Stephen Wilson Jr. is a scientist working for Mars, Inc. (Yes, the Candy company).
One day, his boss pulled him into the office and said something that changed his life:
“Stephen, you are going to be inspired.”
Normally a cause for celebration, this was meant as a warning from his boss.
In a past life, Stephen had been a guitarist in a small indie rock band. He also spent nights writing songs.
His boss knew Stephen was a good songwriter, and where he really was.
He told Stephen about the golden bracelets:
“You're in line for a promotion and they're preparing you for the next level.
And you're kind of at a crossroads.
Because if you take (the promotion), like I did 30 years ago, your dreams of being a songwriter, they're going to be gone. This is going to eat every bit of you.
Right now you can write songs and do this job, but 6 months from now I'm not sure if you can. So I just want to warn you.”
That little voice in Stephen's head, which had been there for years and years, began to grow louder.
6 weeks later, with that inner voice now deafening, he handed in his 2 week notice, which was confusing everyone (except his boss and his wife).
He began bartending and waiting tables to make ends meet while honing his craft, trying to get publishing deals in country music…while being rejected for not to write Yes“bro country” songs.Yes:
He was told, “you write ADMINISTRATION songs. We can't do anything with that. “…
Years later, after some success writing songs for other musicians, he finally worked up the courage and knowledge and ability to start recording his own songs.
And last year, he finally released his debut album, Dad's sonwhich Rolling Stone called one of the best albums of 2023.
Recently, Stephen released a Yesa sharp cover of Ben E. King's “Stand By Me.”Yes which I listened to about 10,000 times over the last month.
(Seriously, please watch this video. It will give you goosebumps!).
Golden Handcuffs vs. Uncomfortable Extension
From 2008-2010, I also had a double life.
My day job was at Sixthman, helping to promote and launch music festivals. But I also spent my evenings and weekends working on a small website helping nerds stay healthy.
My boss April and my mentor Andrew (who owned the business) knew where my heart was; they encouraged me to pursue the uncomfortable future of trying to incorporate Nerd Fitness into my career.
16 years later, we're still going strong!
In Oliver Burkeman's book YesFour Thousand WeeksYesit encourages us to ask a specific question when making decisions in life:
“Where in your life or work are you currently seeking comfort, when there is some discomfort in what is being asked for? “
Asking ourselves “what would make me happiest” will most likely lead us towards the short-term, comfortable, safe option.
Instead, we should be thinking about which path will make us grow as a person, or which version will make us decline each week. We may know, deep down, the answer to the question, if we have the courage to ask it.
Burkeman's advice:
“Choose an uncomfortable expansion over a comfortable reduction whenever you can.”
Yep, sometimes chasing “uncomfortable growth” doesn't lead to a songwriting deal, or a successful business. I chose the uncomfortable path and sometimes things don't work out. But that's part of the process, and at least it removes the potential for unhealthy regret!
Which brings me to today's mission.
Let's get comfortable with being uncomfortable
Let's go after an uncomfortable extension in 2025.
- When we strength train, we make our muscles uncomfortable by lifting heavier and heavier weights – they respond by growing and changing.
- If we use food as a coping mechanism when we are sad or angry or bored, dealing with our relationship with food can be uncomfortable.
- When we have uncomfortable conversations, we can finally deepen our relationships or stand up for the things we care about.
In 2025, let's ask the question:
Where in life are you living snugly in comfort and safety, when deep down Do you know that the path to “uncomfortable expansion” is what you need to grow and help you get what you really want?
You may not need to quit your job right away, or take on a new goal or change…
But it might be worth asking yourself that uncomfortable question.
Life is hard, and change is harder.
uncomfortable.
Scary.
Deceptive.
But if you're willing to say NO to comfort, that might be just what you need.
-Steve
PS: YesWe are doing a free 5-day workshopYes for people looking to build new habits that really stick in 2025, it starts in a few days!
